While self defense is always on our minds in the dojo, either consciously or unconsciously, something rarely discussed yet of paramount importance to self defense is de escalation.
There is a tale of a conflict in feudal Japan that is recounted in Dave Lowry's book,
Moving Toward Stillness, in the chapter, "Strategy for the Modern Day Battlefield," which may provide some insight to this subject:
"Bokuden, this legend goes, was aboard a ferry in Omi Province, sharing a ride across the lake with several other travelers. One of the men aboard was a particularly loud and belligerent samurai. He was extolling his martial skills and was evidently entertaining the fondest of hopes that one of the other passengers would challenge him to prove himself. When Bokuden reacted to all of these boasts by turning his back on the bully, the samurai approached him. "How about you," the samurai snapped at Bokuden. "You're wearing swords. What school are you from?"
"I practice the Mutekatsu Ryu," Bokuden replied, meaning the 'style of winning without a sword.'
"What!" scoffed the bully samurai. "Absurd! I've never heard of such a ridiculous school."
This went on and on until Bokuden realized the bully would not be shut up and could not be talked out of fighting. He agreed to a match and suggested that the ferryman steer over to a sandbar where a suitable spot for a duel could be found. The ferryman complied. When the prow of the boat struck the sand, the samurai leaped out and began pacing up the slope to get to level ground. Bokuden took up an oar, and still standing on the boat he pushed it back into the lake. As the ferry slid away from the sandbar, stranding the bully, Bokuden shouted to him, "There you have it. An example of the techniques of the Mutekatsu Ryu!"
This is not so much de escalation as de confliction, but the point is made. While we prepare and train for fighting, and must always be ready to use whatever skills and techniques we have at our disposal in order to win a fight, the best way to win a fight is to not have one in the first place. This takes an entirely different skill- and mind-set, which we rarely have time to address in our training. If you are looking for a fight, you will have one, and you may lose. Badly. If you want to avoid a fight, you may not be successful every time, but at least you have given yourself that chance. The Japanese have a saying,
Saya no uchi de katsu, which roughly means, "Victory is in the scabbard." This has several meanings which the reader should endeavor to find through introspection.
Below are some links which you may find useful. I know nothing about the writer of the last, only that what I have read comports with what I have been taught in my role as a security officer regarding de escalation with the caveat that street fighting self defense was not to be used in that case. Otherwise, I found the information useful.
Your mouth can get you into trouble if you do not use an emotion filter, but it can also save you if you don't let emotions get in the way.
Iain Abernethy Podcast on De Escalation
Calm Down, Please. Part II
Women's Self Defense from SEPS
